|Photo: Lindé Davies|
Yesterday I took my usual walk along Chiswick Mall - with The Thames to my right. I love this walk because the landscape can change so drastically depending on the tides.
Its cold and windy and wintry but the landscape somehow comes alive in all this freshness and cold
Sometimes I guess its only when our hearts start to open we really feel the cold of the world again - but also the warmth of just being human... and the freshness of the air on our skin.
So I guess with the Chinese New Year just gone - there has been some build up of emotions over time - over time and time and time - sometimes we get so busy trying to get away from our feelings or for some like me, the lack of the feelings and emotions - to always be strong, to not let things get to us - that they go and hide somewhere deep in our subconscious mind - and then one day - they just all come to the surface and well up and stream out of our eyes - like a cloudburst drenching some fertile lands. To feel the vulnerability of being human and to allow the tears that are to come could actually be quite healing. I just had no idea there were so many hidden within
I think I needed exactly this experience and what has led up to it - to catapult me into really starting to feel things again - to feel sad and sit with it, to feel vulnerable and sit with it, to feel happy and sit with that - to feeling content and sitting with that. I think in some small part the walls are coming down and this will be a time of personal growth and development, to go make some changes and to go make some things happen, and to be open to the challenges of being human and being fully participating in this thing called life and to align myself spiritually and emotionally each day to the opportunities that may arise.
I read this lovely quote yesterday and it just made so much sense for me right then -
If a train doesn't stop at your station then its not your train.... so so so true
I guess that's exactly how I felt yesterday - I guess if the station is closed - there will be no trains stopping either - so here's to no more walls and fully embracing what this life and what this year may have to offer - with hard work we will reap the rewards, putting in a little bit of effort will go along way. I have not forgotten, but now I have really remembered.... thank you for reminding me again
And now it kind of makes me feel happy that I could have felt so sad - and I am feeling excited because this is all good all round - to feel again.
Photo: by me